Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's rum buckets o'clock
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I supernannyed him into submission
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
