they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
