we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
