New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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