I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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