I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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