So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
