I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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