I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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