Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
