"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
