I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
