i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
