when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
