yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
