When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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