My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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