I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
