I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
