we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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