Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
