You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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