was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
