but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
