Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
