At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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