Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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