She said her name was "party"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
