Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
