is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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