Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I smell stomach acid.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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