It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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