Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
