mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
