even my farts smell like vagina
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
