I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
