i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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