i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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