coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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