all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
