This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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