The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
