Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
