I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
