but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Princesses don't give blow jobs
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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