I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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