Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
