guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
