So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
