I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
