Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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