Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dignity is for republicans.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
