No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
